I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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