I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
