the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
