i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
i out mim tonsoeep
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
