remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
