Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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