Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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