apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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