Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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