): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
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