Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
