I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize