So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
3 2 1 whiskey
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
