I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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