oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
