Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
