i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Randomize
