So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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