rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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