shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
