omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
