no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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