Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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