I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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