to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
