im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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