"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm like, not good at living.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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