i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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