how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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