My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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