Umm I'm too high to move.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
