It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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