$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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