Dual....:-)
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
