I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
