Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
