so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
