I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
