oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
so let's talk penis.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
