Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
