I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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