Your mouth is God's brothel.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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