I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
