I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
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