My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
