i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
