You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
