The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
