I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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