I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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