Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
