sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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