Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize