I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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