Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I could fuck to npr.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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