Can i not drive my cunt home
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
