He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
