she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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