Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
