when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
