I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
