i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
