Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
