I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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