I would go down on you faster than GM stock
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
