what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
