Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
