If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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