I just pynch a tree in the face
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
