I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
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