Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
