i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I want to be your penis for a week.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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