She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
should my penis look like a turkey
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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