You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
